It is with a heavy heart that I sit down to write this blog. I am a little nervous to not only write this, but to publish it and share it publicly. Will it do more harm than good? Maybe, but if I can help even one person then it is completely worth it. This blog is going to be very personal and very difficult to write.
It was two years ago this December that I found out my daughter was so depressed and thought that ending her life was the answer. It was two years ago that my husband and I had to make one of the hardest decisions in our lives. We decided that the best course of action was to admit her into a mental facility to get the help she needed. She was there for a week. At first I thought that the time there was more detrimental. She came out with a knowledge of things that no 15 year old should know. Now, I don’t know if she started cutting before or after that hospital stay, but I found out she was doing it a month or so after her treatment. The year after this hospital stay was the hardest on her. She was still depressed. Medicine and therapy weren’t really helping any. When it came to light what she was doing it was devastating. I started monitoring what she did and who she was spending time with.
After her first semester her freshman year in high school, I pulled her out of public school and home schooled her. The only class she had the remainder of that year was JROTC. Her father and I decided to sign her up for Civil Air Patrol. It was the very best decision we ever made. She made some really good friends. She had friends who supported her. These friends were able to do for what I couldn’t do, what medication and therapy failed to do. When she felt down and wanted to hurt herself she would call her new BFF and they would talk it out and work through it. I wondered every time something bad happened if she would relapse. She did a few times, but I am happy to say that it has been a full year since my daughter did any kind of self harm. She told me just today that she hasn’t felt this great in a long time. She is happy.
Why am I choosing this topic for my very first blog to go public? The answer is simple; I want to reach out to those girls and boys who feel the same way she did two years ago. I am one of those over protective parents who stalks her children’s online and phone activities. I am friends with quite a few of her friends. It saddens me when I see so many beautiful girls on her Facebook page who suffer from the same depression and self harm. Some of these beautiful girls I know, but quite a few I don’t know.
It saddens me that there are so many bullies in our schools. No one should ever have anyone make them feel like their lives don’t matter. I want you to know that your life does matter. It doesn’t matter what you did yesterday, or even last year. What matters is what you do today, and tomorrow, and the day after. It is never too late to make positive changes in your life. If you are a bully, stop. If you are a victim of bullying,report it. If you need help, ask for it.
There is hope out there. There is help out there. The Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255. This is 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. The next time you are sad, take a deep breath and talk to someone before doing something that you or someone you love would regret.